The deep roots of patriarchy in our society remain visible through common speech.

Author: Namita Joshi
Recently, during the winter session of Parliament, a senior leader was heard saying that the opposition parties were doing ‘widow’s lament’. Every time I hear ‘widow’s lament’, it shocks my heart to see how these people use this idiom so casually. If we look at its literal meaning, it is the lamentation of a widow i.e. a woman whose husband has died, i.e. crying or sorrow. But whenever I have heard this idiom used, it has been heard in a negative sense or as a sarcasm.

roots of patriarchy
A phrase like ‘widow’s lament’ not only shows how insensitive the person using it is, but it also exposes the deeply rooted roots of #Patriarchy in our society. This idiom is used especially in public and political discussions. This is the result of a mentality that either trivializes or ridicules the suffering of women, their helplessness and their struggles.

Ram Mohan Roy’s role
This phrase was probably coined at a time when widows were deprived of all rights and opportunities. This basically reflects the thinking of patriarchy which considered women dependent only on the support of a man. In such a situation, crying helplessly after the death of her husband i.e. her master would have been called ‘widow’s lament’. Then personalities like Raja Ram Mohan Roy came forward. After the establishment of Brahmo Samaj in 1828, Raja Rammohan Roy worked to stop inhumane practices like child marriage, purdah system, sati system etc. Imagine, this is about 150 years old.

wrong thinking
But today when we have stepped into 2025, women are proving their capability, becoming financially independent and making their place in every sector of the society, still the use of such idioms is just and only. This is proof of how deeply patriarchal thinking is still embedded in our language and behaviour.

example of bangles
There is an appeal to the leaders that it would be more appropriate to use words like crocodile tears to sling mud at each other. But the selection of ‘Widow’s Lament’ shows how far behind our society still is in understanding the reality of women and respecting them. Our linguistic culture is replete with proverbs that use symbols of women as weak, ridiculous or trivial – Have you worn bangles? This saying is easily heard in every corner of India to challenge a man’s masculinity. Now think, what is wrong in wearing bangles? Is this saying not an attempt to humiliate those crores of women who wear these bangles every day and fulfill the responsibilities of their family, career and society? To suppress men’s emotions and question their sensitivity, it is said, ‘Don’t cry like women.’ If there is talk of helping in household chores, then it is said sarcastically, ‘Will you sit at home and bake bread?’

Who doesn’t gossip?
‘Will you gossip, like women?’ Now this saying in itself is such a big lie that don’t even ask. Everyone gossips – from the boss in the office to the people sitting at the tea shop. But as soon as someone’s gossip comes to light, it is ridiculed as ‘women’s work’.

crying is a human emotion
Be it man or woman, everyone has the right to express their feelings. But if a man cries, people say, ‘Don’t cry like women.’ What does it mean to say this? Don’t men have the right to be sad? And if women cry, does it mean that their feelings are unimportant? Such proverbs not only trivialize women but also put pressure on men to always remain tough, emotionless and strong. This false ideal of ‘masculinity’ not only makes men emotionally weak, but also makes them feel insecure in their own lives.

language has to be changed
Our language shapes our thinking. If we want to change our thinking, first of all we have to change our language. Let’s put these proverbs in a museum and create a language that promotes equality, respect and understanding. After all, bangles can not only adorn the hands but also be a symbol of courage and strength.