Stay quiet, it will be your fault… the dangerous culture of silence on child sexual abuse

New Delhi: In Bangalore, a 13-year-old girl Sukanya (name changed) has accused her own father of sexual abuse. Sukanya sought help from a social worker who visits her school and asked her to shift her from her home to a hostel. Initially she did not tell anything, but later she told that her father comes to her room at night and forces himself on her. Sukanya told that her father threatened to falsely accuse her of having an affair with a boy from the neighbourhood. Sukanya’s mother also did not believe her and accused her of being immoral. This incident highlights how family members often try to suppress cases of child sexual abuse and blame the victim child.

It is difficult for children to talk openly
This is not just Sukanya’s case, but Nobel Prize winning author Alice Munro’s daughter Andrea Robin Skinner also accused her stepfather of sexual abuse. She said that when she told her mother about this, her reaction was also the same as if someone had told her about her infidelity. This shows how difficult it is for children to talk openly about sexual abuse, especially when the perpetrator is a family member.

People do not believe what children say
Kushi Kushalappa of Enfold, the organization that helped Sukanya, says that children fear that elders will not believe them. Often the criminal creates a good image of himself in the family, due to which people do not believe the victim. The same happened in Sukanya’s case. She also feared that if she raised her voice against her father, it would affect her family. Many times children are financially and socially dependent on the criminal, due to which they are not able to speak openly.

What do the figures say?
Alankar Sharma, who teaches social work at the University of Wollongong in Australia, has conducted a study on sexual abuse of boys and men in India. he/she says many people still believe strangers pose the greatest threat to children, while research shows most children are sexually abused by people they know and who have control over them. A 2007 government study found that one in two children has experienced some form of sexual abuse. According to NCRB data, in 95% of cases, the perpetrator is a close relative or family member of the child. Sharma says children and even adult victims often feel unsafe or anxious about disclosing sexual abuse when the perpetrator is someone they know and care about.

Children are forced to keep quiet
Sharma explains that family and society also force children to keep quiet. They doubt the victim, advise her to forgive the offender and move on so that the relationship does not deteriorate. Patriarchal and harmful questions like ‘why did the victim not say no’, ‘how can abuse happen without the victim’s consent’, ‘what did she do to attract the offender’s attention’ and ‘if she was so bothered by it, why did she not disclose it earlier’ play an important role in suppressing child sexual abuse. Boys also face additional pressure to demonstrate masculinity. Sharma gives the example of 30-year-old John in his/her research paper, who was first sexually abused at the age of six. he/she was abused by a relative at a family wedding. When asked, he/she told his/her mother that he/she was abused by an uncle at the wedding. he/she even told her his/her name. “She said, ‘Are you confirmed?’ I said, ‘Yes, I am confirmed about it.’ … So he/she said, ‘Okay, now go do your homework, we will talk about it later.’ That was the only answer. And later never came.”

Here are some warning signs
Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty says there are certain warning signs that people can be alert to. For instance, two children aged six and nine living in Mumbai refused to allow their father to touch or bathe them as he/she usually did. Later it was revealed that he/she was abusing them. Even vague signs in a child, such as insomnia, aversion to touch, aversion to eating bananas or anything creamy, irritability, anger towards family could be signs of sexual abuse. he/she advised one child who wore full-sleeved clothes even on hot summer days, while another was scoring top marks in exams but was always crying and unhappy. Schools and teachers should be in a state of extreme sensitivity.

Child sexual abuse cases increased by 96% from 2016 to 2022
India enacted the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act (POCSO) in 2012. It helps to take strict action against crimes against children. But sexual crimes against children have increased rapidly in the last few years. According to a CRY analysis, child rape cases have increased by 96% from 2016 to 2022. Persis Sidhwa, child rights lawyer and director of Rati Foundation, says, “Our laws are geared towards stranger abuse.” Most cases are suppressed even before an FIR is filed, and those that do go to court may also be dismissed when the offender turns hostile under pressure or duress. There are challenges such as prison-like living conditions in children’s remand homes and problems in accessing child-friendly provisions such as interim compensation.

But most importantly, there is a need to create a culture that promotes open dialogue around personal safety and sexual abuse and validates children’s feelings and experiences, says Manjir Mukherjee, sociologist and senior director of NGO Arpan. “Establishing safe spaces where children can discuss their concerns without fear of judgement is essential. Creating a support network of adults who understand that keeping children safe is every adult’s responsibility is crucial. In short, a paradigm shift is needed to move from a culture of silence and disbelief to a culture of support and active engagement.”