From AR Rahman to Aamir Khan’s divorce, perfect marriage is a myth! So are divorces good?

Cheating is not always the cause of separation

Some time ago, the breakup of the 11-year marriage of Hollywood actress Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied was attributed to Benjamin’s infidelity. Cheating is generally considered to be the biggest ground for divorce. But Vedika Choubey, a well-known lawyer in divorce and marriage matters and an outspoken opinion on women’s issues, says, ‘It is not necessary that every time divorce happens due to cheating. In today’s time, new words like compatibility (getting along well with each other) have come into use in marriage. In fact, if instead of these heavy words, small things are ignored and talks are held, then things can be resolved. In one case, the girl had come to her maternal home within a month of the marriage because she did not feel like living in her in-laws’ house. A girl divorced her husband because he/she had a loan of three lakh rupees. Recently, I facilitated reconciliation between a doctor and his/her wife, whose divorce case was going on for four years and the issue was communication gap. I think divorce should be the last option after marriage.

‘Many people feel tired in long marriages’

Then what is the reason for divorce after such a long marriage? Regarding this, celebrity divorce lawyer Mrinalini Deshmukh says, ‘Perfect marriage is a relative term, because every marriage is different. It is important to have respect and trust in a marriage, but sometimes in a long marriage, a strange kind of fatigue sets in while maintaining relationships. Divorce after such a long marriage is also called silver splinter, because in such couples the situation of divorce comes after the hair turns grey. The divorce of Bill Gates and Melinda was the result of this. These divorces happen not only among well-known people but also among common people. A 35-36 year old son came to me, who wanted to divorce his/her mother. he/she said that his/her father never treated his/her mother well throughout his/her life and now seeing his/her mother’s suffering is unbearable for him/her. In another case, an elderly woman filed for divorce after 50 years of marriage. She said, ‘I was never happy in this marriage but I had no choice. Then I also had the responsibilities of children. But now I don’t want to be his/her wife. I want to die happily.

The secret of a successful marriage is the secret of two people.

There is a saying in English regarding marriage, ‘There is no such thing as a perfect marriage’. Still, by eating this wedding laddu, an effort is made to make it perfect. Chunky Pandey, father of well-known actor and actress Ananya Pandey, who has been married to Bhavana Pandey for the last 27 years, says, ‘Marriage can never be perfect. This is a secret between two people, which should remain between those two people. The first year of my marriage was very difficult, we were laying the foundation for our marriage. If there were no feelings, perhaps this marriage would not have lasted so long. There should be no ego in marriage. If there is a fight between you, do not sleep over it, it should be resolved immediately. As far as increasing divorce is concerned, our country is still safe in this matter, because here many people still consider marriage sacred, but divorce rates in foreign countries are very high. Today people have increased knowledge and choices and that is why divorce rates have also increased. But I would definitely like to say that in marriage you should take care of your and your partner’s mental and physical health. This is very important.

Can live happily together, provided both are happy

In a society where marriage is considered a bond of seven lives, it is not a big deal for divorce to be viewed with stigma. But what happens when marriage becomes a burden or two people want to separate with mutual consent. On separation from Aamir Khan, Kiran Rao has clearly said that Aamir and I wanted to change the definition of our relationship, did not want to lose it. And today both are doing the same. Like them, there are many couples like Hrithik Roshan-Sussanne Khan, Malaika Arora-Arbaaz Khan and Farhan Akhtar-Adhuna who proved that divorce is not bad every time. Javed Akhtar, who has spent 40 years of his/her marriage with Shabana Azmi, created a lot of uproar when he/she directly called marriage a ‘useless thing’, ‘centuries-old tradition’, ‘moss, garbage and filth’. However, he/she also told that he/she and Shabana are better friends than a traditional married couple and this is the key to the success of their marriage. he/she says, ‘To live together, it is most important to have mutual respect, mutual thoughts and giving each other space. An independent woman with her own ambitions, her own business, her own opinions, everything. Obviously a person who is living with you is not your slave. he/she has as much right to his/her ambitions as I do to mine. That is all. This is not rocket science. You can only live happily together if both of you are happy.’